The Pros and Cons of Dating Me thumbnail

Written By Philip Simondet

loneliness rules the night

it’s even eclipsed my depression for a while

so now I’m struggling to write

some positive things about me in a profile

but I know no one could ever love me

‘cause I’m short and I am old

and I am bald, fat, and ugly


every year I’m another year older

a year less hair and another year fat

if I could possible get any uglier

best believe I’d be a whole year more that

but I feel I must be a fair reporter

so put this in the pro column

‘cause I am not getting any shorter


my nose is too big, my legs are too short

all my problem areas have been upgraded to trouble

my physical examine is a failure report

my eyebrows are uni and my chin is double

I’m not a handsome man, anyone can see this

the only good thing I can say for myself is

I have a very normal penis


I don’t mean to be so superficial

believe me I’m just as ugly on the inside

trying to keep my thinking wishful

but I can’t even get the spambots to swipe right

if love is a game, I am retired

‘cause I’ve been alone so long

all my condoms have expired


all my relationships start from pity

and seem to go well until she suddenly ends it

and every time it’s a big surprise to me

‘cause what I call love others call codependence

I guess I’ll just go and die alone

‘cause these were just some of the cons

and now here are the pros